Are You Listening?
A recurring theme in the life and teachings of Jesus is the idea that you can listen to something and not really hear what is being said. Often He would end his teaching with the questions “Are you listening? Really listening?” or “Those who have ears to hear, let them hear”. The reality that we don’t always listen well is something that impacts all of our relationships and even our approach to scripture. The following four types of listening, That I learned from Dr Ron Martoia, can help uncover ways that we can learn to listen more effectively and therefore deepen our relationships with one another and with God:
Download Listening – This type of listening is hardly listening at all. We engage in download listening when we are convinced that the person speaking is misguided, misinformed or simply an idiot. When we have written that person off then we are simply waiting, like when you are downloading something from the Internet, for them to finish so you can set them straight. This form of listening is very common but never allows us to actually connect with the other person because we become convinced that they have little or no value to us.
Factual Listening – This type of listening is like putting someone under a microscope and judging everything that they say based on your own beliefs and convictions. You are actually listening but only until you hear something that you disagree with and then you stop listening so that you can mount a counter-argument. This type of listening is really about reinforcing our feelings of superiority and we easily miss the real depth of what is being said because we are focused down in the details and looking for ways to change the other persons mind in a way that makes us more comfortable and secure in our beliefs.
Empathic Listening – This type of listening is related to the word empathy. During empathic listening, we move beyond the words and ideas that are being shared and begin to realize the human being that is sharing the words. We start to wake up to the fact that the person speaking has emotions, convictions and a personal story that is impacting what they are saying and how they are saying it to us. We become less concerned with ‘being right’ and become invested in understanding the other person and where they are coming from and even why they would think differently than we do. This type of listening is when you and I become we. We understand each other and we grow closer together.
Generative Listening – This type of listening is about listening for the spirit. It is during those rare times in our interactions where we intentionally listen for what God’s spirit is revealing to us either through another person or through our inner dialogue and emotions. This type of listening generates something new within us and gives birth to new ideas and new perspectives. When true generative listening happens, all parties are changed in the process. This type of listening is rare and often difficult because it requires us to let down our defenses and rational arguments.
Take some time in your daily conversations to notice, which types of listening you engage in. What types of people make it easier to practice generative listening? Who makes you go into download listening quickly? Do you feel a connection growing with the people that you are interacting with? Are you listening well? Really listening?
Download Listening – This type of listening is hardly listening at all. We engage in download listening when we are convinced that the person speaking is misguided, misinformed or simply an idiot. When we have written that person off then we are simply waiting, like when you are downloading something from the Internet, for them to finish so you can set them straight. This form of listening is very common but never allows us to actually connect with the other person because we become convinced that they have little or no value to us.
Factual Listening – This type of listening is like putting someone under a microscope and judging everything that they say based on your own beliefs and convictions. You are actually listening but only until you hear something that you disagree with and then you stop listening so that you can mount a counter-argument. This type of listening is really about reinforcing our feelings of superiority and we easily miss the real depth of what is being said because we are focused down in the details and looking for ways to change the other persons mind in a way that makes us more comfortable and secure in our beliefs.
Empathic Listening – This type of listening is related to the word empathy. During empathic listening, we move beyond the words and ideas that are being shared and begin to realize the human being that is sharing the words. We start to wake up to the fact that the person speaking has emotions, convictions and a personal story that is impacting what they are saying and how they are saying it to us. We become less concerned with ‘being right’ and become invested in understanding the other person and where they are coming from and even why they would think differently than we do. This type of listening is when you and I become we. We understand each other and we grow closer together.
Generative Listening – This type of listening is about listening for the spirit. It is during those rare times in our interactions where we intentionally listen for what God’s spirit is revealing to us either through another person or through our inner dialogue and emotions. This type of listening generates something new within us and gives birth to new ideas and new perspectives. When true generative listening happens, all parties are changed in the process. This type of listening is rare and often difficult because it requires us to let down our defenses and rational arguments.
Take some time in your daily conversations to notice, which types of listening you engage in. What types of people make it easier to practice generative listening? Who makes you go into download listening quickly? Do you feel a connection growing with the people that you are interacting with? Are you listening well? Really listening?